Yesterday I Resisted and Condemned God Frenziedly; Today I’m Willing to Do Service for God at Any Sacrifice

Xu Jinxin

Nanyang City, Henan Province

I was formerly a leader of the “Stream of Recovery.” In 1998, I blindly believed the rumors and slanders about the work of the last days of Almighty God spread by the upper leaders, and preached wantonly in the church, “Now heresies are prevailing. The ‘Eastern Lightning’ is especially rampant. They preach that God has been incarnated and carried out His work in China. That’s a sheer ‘heresy’! Never listen to their message. If you don’t accept it after listening, they will cut off your ears or gouge out your eyes! …” Since then, whenever I heard any brother or sister receive foreign preachers, I went to disturb and scold them. Several brothers and sisters had wanted to investigate God’s new work, but because of my disturbance, they dared not listen anymore. Not only so, I took the lead to pray to curse the believers in Almighty God in the church, asking the Lord to have them tumble on the road or their bicycle types blow. In August 1999, a brother who preached God’s gospel of the last days gave me a book of God’s word. Without even looking at it, I put kerosene on it and burned it. I also instructed all the co-workers who received the book to do so. Moreover, I carried out an “accountability system” among the co-workers. Whoever had a “sheep” under his charge lost must take the blame for it. My frenzied resistance severely hindered the spreading of the gospel of the last days of Almighty God and offended God’s disposition, so God’s wrath came upon me once and again.

On a fall day in 1999, when I was driving an oxcart loaded with sands, the usually mild ox suddenly lost its temper. It darted forward about three meters, and then turned around and rushed toward me. It madly smashed me to the ground and ground my chest with its head wildly. If our villagers hadn’t come in time, I might have lost my life. A few days later, I was sitting on the cornstalks in the tractor driven by my younger brother, when suddenly it turned over. I was thrown down to the ground about three meters away, and for quite a while I was unable to move from pain. In the end, my brother carried me home on his back. Also in that year, my family’s harvest was the worst in our village, and the police forced me to borrow a loan to pay for my insurance, pension and other taxes. They threatened that they would put me into jail if I refused. And that wasn’t all. Several co-workers in our church had a fierce fight over the charge of the church money, and in the end they separated and the church fell into a mess. These successive things weighed me down, and I was troubled and couldn’t dine or sleep well. In the winter of that year, I couldn’t bear the suffering anymore, so I went out of town to earn money. I had thought to go out to avoid disasters, but against expectation, only a few days later, I had a traffic accident. I was frightened out of my wits when I climbed out of the overturned truck. Afterward, I was always on the stretch, fearing that an accident would come upon me. Unexpectedly, on the third day, my leg was bruised and swollen when I was working. Then, I got a good beating for saying something wrong. Facing all these things that happened one after another, I had to think, “Could it be that I offended the Lord in something and He didn’t let me off?” With no way out, I came before the Lord and prayed, “O Lord! I’m foolish and blind and don’t know where I offended You. May You enlighten me and let me know. I’m willing to confess and repent early…”

Thank God for His leading! In July 2001, I finally understood why all those things happened. One day, I came across two brothers who preached God’s gospel of the last days in a host family. Because of a deep misunderstanding about this stream, I had no mind to listen to their fellowship at all. Sometimes I sat on the sofa, with my legs crossed, head tilted back, and eyes half-closed, looking up at the ceiling; sometimes I made difficulties for them; sometimes I turned my back on them; sometimes I went out for a stroll purposely. But the brothers didn’t mind these and kept fellowshipping with me with patience. They didn’t lose temper or say anything unpleasant. Even so, my hardened heart was not softened. Later, they knelt before God together praying for me sincerely in tears, “O Almighty God! We didn’t cooperate well in Your work and couldn’t testify Your new work to the brother. We are indeed useless. We are too much indebted to You and the brother. O God! May You move us greatly and give us another opportunity to fellowship. May You give us faith and courage. May You move the brother and make him discern all this…” When I saw this, my hardened heart became softened gradually. I thought of their living out in these days. “Aren’t the love, humility, patience, and tolerance they have shown exactly what the Lord taught us to live out? Can a mafia member have such a good living out? If they were really mafia members, I would be mutilated once they were displeased, not to mention that I made difficulties for them. How could they have such great love and patience? I’ve been in the Stream of Recovery for nineteen years, but I have never seen any brother or sister live out like this.” Finally, my cold heart was melted and my misunderstanding about this stream was gone with the wind. Thinking of those, I couldn’t control myself and fell down to the ground and prayed in tears, “O Lord! Now the church is desolate, we have no message to give, and I can find no way out. I’ve been waiting for You for years, but there was no news. Is it true that You have done a new work? Is the way the brothers preached to me true? May You enlighten me so that I can discern…”

Then, I settled down to listen to their fellowship. The brothers fellowshipped with me again about the truths concerning the principles of God’s work, the purpose of God’s work, the change of God’s name, the change of the age, and so on. Their fellowship was fresh and agreed with the Bible. So I asked them solemnly, “The Bible says that the Lord will come in a holy spiritual body on the white clouds, but why do you say God is incarnated? I don’t understand.” One brother showed me Luke 17:24-25, which says, “For as the lightning, that lightens out of the one part under heaven, shines to the other part under heaven; so shall also the Son of man be in his day. But first must he suffer many things, and be rejected of this generation.” He said, “Since it says the Son of man, it means that He is a flesh. These verses are about Jesus’ advent. ‘Suffer many things’ means that He must be in the flesh. How can the Spirit suffer? So from here we can see that the Lord has hinted to us that He will be incarnated when He comes again. In the Bible, there are many other verses about it, such as Matthew 24:27, 30, 37, Mark 13:26, 29, Luke 17:24, 20, Revelation 1:13, and so on.” I nodded my head. Then he read these words of God to me: “God’s saving of man is not done directly through the means of the Spirit or as the Spirit, for His Spirit can neither be touched nor seen by man, and cannot be approached by man. If He tried to save man directly in the manner of the Spirit, man would be unable to receive His salvation. And if not for God putting on the outward form of a created man, they would be unable to receive this salvation. For man can in no way approach Him, much like how none could go near the cloud of Jehovah. Only by becoming a man of creation, that is, putting His ‘word’ into the flesh He will become, can He personally work the ‘word’ into all who follow Him. Only then can man hear for himself His word, see His word, and receive His word, then through this be fully saved. If God did not become flesh, no fleshly man would receive such great salvation, nor would a single man be saved. If the Spirit of God worked directly among man, man would be smote or completely carried away captive by Satan because man is unable to associate with God. … Man receives full salvation from God because of God incarnate, not directly from their prayers to heaven. For man is fleshly; man is unable to see the Spirit of God and much less able to approach Him. All that man can associate with is God’s incarnate flesh; only through Him can man understand all the words and all the truths, and receive full salvation. The second incarnation is sufficient to get rid of the sins of man and fully purify man. Hence, the second incarnation will bring to a close all the work of God in the flesh and complete the significance of God’s incarnation.” (from “The Mystery of the Incarnation (4)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Hearing these words, I bowed my head and became speechless.

However, when the brother said that God was incarnated in China, I rejected it in my heart at once, because it was most unacceptable to me. So I said with assurance, “God did the first two stages of His work in Israel. How could He do His work in China this time? It’s impossible!” The brother showed me Malachi 1:11, which says, “For from the rising of the sun even to the going down of the same my name shall be great among the Gentiles…, said the LORD of hosts.” Then he read these words of God: “One stage of the work of the two previous ages took place in Israel; another took place in Judea. Generally speaking, neither stage of this work left Israel; they were the stages of work carried out among the initial chosen people. … and in this way, some conceptions have taken shape within people. … additionally, they plan out God’s work within a certain scope. They say that when God is at work, it must be carried out among the chosen people and in Israel … Actually, if He were to act according to human conceptions, God would only be the God of the Israelites; in this manner He would be unable to expand His work into Gentile nations, because He would only be the God of the Israelites rather than the God of all creation. The prophecies said that Jehovah’s name would be great in the Gentile nations and that Jehovah’s name would be spread to the Gentile nations—why would they say this? If God were only the God of the Israelites, then He would only be at work in Israel. Furthermore, He would not expand this work, and He would not make this prophecy. Since He made this prophecy, He would need to expand His work into Gentile nations and into every nation and place. Since He stated this, He would thus do so. This is His plan, for He is the Lord who created the heavens and earth and all things, and the God of all creation. Regardless of whether He is at work with the Israelites or in all Judea, the work He does is the work of the entire universe and the work of all humanity. The work He does today in the nation of the great red dragon—in a Gentile nation—is still the work of all humanity. Israel could be the base for His work on earth; likewise, China can also become the base for His work among the Gentile nations. Has He not now fulfilled the prophecy that ‘the name of Jehovah will be great in the Gentile nations’? The first step of His work among the Gentile nations refers to this work He is doing in the nation of the great red dragon. For the God incarnate to be at work in this land and to be at work among these cursed people runs particularly contrary to human conceptions; these people are the most lowly and without any worth. These are all people whom Jehovah initially abandoned. … Because these people possessed the lowest status in the past, the work done among them is most capable of shattering human conceptions, and it is also the work most beneficial to His entire six-thousand-year management plan. For Him to work among these people is the action most capable of shattering human conceptions; with this He launches an era; with this He shatters all human conceptions; with this He ends the work of the entire Age of Grace. … No one throughout the ages has experienced this work, nor has anyone heard of it, much less appreciated it. God’s wisdom, God’s wonder, God’s unfathomability, God’s greatness, God’s holiness rely on this stage of work in the last days, to emerge clearly. Is this not new work that is shattering human conceptions? … The Jewish people are quite good, and the chosen people of Israel are not bad either; they are people of decent qualities and good humanity. Jehovah initially launched His work among them and carried out His initial work, but it would be meaningless if He were to use them as recipients for His conquering work now. … He would be unable to conquer anyone, nor would He be able to convince all of creation. This is the significance of the transferal of His work to these people of the nation of the great red dragon. The deepest meaning here is in His launching an era, in His shattering of all rules and all human conceptions and also in His ending of the work of the entire Age of Grace.” (from “God Is the Lord of All Creation” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) While listening, I pondered, “God is incarnated in China. This is something one dare not even think! It’s God’s great blessing to me that I can see His appearing in my life!”

Facing God’s words of truth, I was sincerely convinced. Only then did I know that the One I resisted wasn’t a small person but Almighty God, Christ of the last days. I couldn’t help shedding tears of remorse, wishing to slap myself in the face. “I believed in God and longed for His return, but unexpectedly, when God came, I rejected Him, condemned His work, and even burned the book of His personal utterance. I sealed off the church and hindered the brothers and sisters from accepting the true way, so that many innocent lives were ruined by my evil hands. I was really the arch-criminal who resisted God. I deserved to be cast into hell by God and be burned forever! Now I know that those disasters that came upon me were the expression of God’s righteous disposition. I got what I deserved! But God didn’t take my life away but still gave me the opportunity to repent and saved me from the abyss of evils. God’s love is really wide, long, deep, and high!” Facing God’s salvation, I felt that I was unworthy indeed! I held my head in my hands and cried with tears, “Dear Almighty God! I blindly believed the rumors without discerning them and committed the heinous sin before You. Even if I’m cut into pieces, I cannot make up for my great indebtedness to You. I’m willing to dedicate all the rest of my life to doing service for You, at any sacrifice!”

This is my personal experience, and it is also the irremovable pain and regret in my heart. Today I tell this unforgettable painful experience to brothers and sisters, in hope that you will take warning from it. Here, I want to speak my heartfelt words to all the brothers and sisters who haven’t accepted God’s new work: Don’t resist God and grieve Him anymore. God’s work is coming to an end. If you still refuse to turn around, you will have no more opportunity!